After the Novelty Wears Off
by PedanticAnticQueen
Summary: Buffy's thoughts in "Doublemeat Palace". Was it just me or did she look bored...? Sex isn't always that great


After the Novelty Wears Off  
  
Summary: What Buffy's thinking as she's getting ground into the wall of her manager's office. I mean, could she look anymore bored..?  
  
Disclaimer: I'm just borrowing the toys from Joss Whedon's box and I promise to put them back when I'm done. And no, Buffy and Spike are not mine, and neither is anything else in that universe.  
  
I'm not sure I get it.  
  
I mean, this is actually quite pathetic really. A quickie in Manny's office?  
  
But then again, how else should I spend my ten minute break?  
  
It had started out the same as usual. Him just happening to be outside my work window, strolling by and looking at me… He got a new shirt, some grey little number. It's actually quite sweet that he's been dressing up lately, with the jewelry and the new clothes and everything. It's like he's trying to impress me. How strange is that?  
  
I knew he wouldn't be too enthusiastic about the job. Less free time for me to squander at his crypt. But then there was something more when he came to see me here at work last night. He was looking at me and was being all compassionate. I could see that it hurt him to see me like that. It hurt him to see me having to work for money and being reduced to wearing some goofy ass hat and tacky orange uniform. I almost expected him to be contemptuous but then he was taking it worse than I was. Except for the part when he was demanding some service.  
  
So when I stepped out to meet him, I hadn't expected him to be the way he was. He just took one look at me as if I'd been harassed or something and he wrapped his arms around me and just started kissing my hair.  
  
I could tell that he wanted to ask me if I was ok, but then he just kept silent and started to rub my back reassuringly. I just wanted to bury my face on his shoulder and sleep or cry or something, but I just couldn't do it. Wrong time, wrong place. Gotta keep my game face on.  
  
I reached up and just looked at him, and he made a move as if he was going to say something, but he thought better of it when he saw me fiddling with his belt buckle. He looked into my eyes and pretty much saw that I wasn't really in the mood to talk, and then we were pretty much all over each other out there in the alley until I snuck him into Manny's office.  
  
It was strange how it had gotten to be almost routine. I mean, we've only done it on two other occasions, but this time was just different. None of the desperation or excitement or anything of the first time. Just me, getting thrust up against the wall.  
  
It wasn't even as if the sex was that good. It wasn't even as if the sex was good at all. Well, not tonight anyway. Granted, I came. But still, it was nothing like the way it had been with other people… People I loved or just… Well, even just people, a word whose semantic domain doesn't really include the likes of Spike. The whole time, he kept touching my face, making sure that my eyes were on his, but I just couldn't meet his gaze and buried my head in his shoulder. It went downhill from there, I guess because he gave up on trying to make it some 'soul bonding' experience and just kept on going to work and in a couple of minutes it was over and we were shrugging back into our clothes. As I was watching him dress, I couldn't help finding what he said to me last night as ironic, since he's the one who came here to service me.  
  
I can still remember the conversation we had though, just before he left.  
  
"You shouldn't have to do this." He said, not really looking at me.  
  
"Spike, don't. I don't really have the time to talk about this right now."  
  
"It's beneath you, to be like this… I …I don't like it."  
  
"Spike, it's not as if I'm selling my body or anything like that ok? It's just a job."  
  
"Still. You're better than this. You're better than working your ass off with washouts for minimum wage."  
  
So here we were again. Same old same old. I didn't need to hear the rest. "I'm going inside."  
  
He looked up at me and I could see his eyes and somehow, I just didn't have the heart to be a bitch just then. I don't understand how this happens or how anything that's gone on between us has happened at all, but then don't get me started on wondering why anything in this godforsaken place happens because we really wouldn't get anywhere. Anyway, the next thing I know is that I'm squeezing his hand almost as if to reassure him that I was going to be okay and he takes that gratefully, and he lets me walk away.  
  
I need to have my head examined. I really don't know how much longer I can keep this up… 


End file.
